I can only think of a few childhood moments that struck me as so revelatory as the time that my increasingly reclusive grandmother admonished , "Strong fences make good neighbors." My grandmother had many wonderful qualities, but a healthy balance of extroversion was not one of them.
I'm afraid that side of my grandmother would be enjoying our culture more and more with every passing year.
We have so many fences between us. Here in Minnesota we are fast approaching that time of year when physical neighbors never see one another outside of their automatic garage doors. We know each other only by our tail lights. We have lots of relational fences, inhibitions that keep us from sharing our lives with each other in any meaningful way. Just a few nights ago I was running along one of my regular routes and tried to offer a simple "Good run" to another runner passing me in the opposite direction. But even that small effort fell victim to an iPod fence.
As our vision discernment conversations at First Lutheran have attempted to assess the needs of our external community, the need for friendships, connection, and a sense of community has frequently been identified as pressing. (I can't help but wonder, of course, if those of us in the church are really much better off in this regard. We've got a long way to go.) The more I look around, the more I agree and the more I realize how much fencing we will need to break down. This is not going to be easy. For some reason, we really resist getting closely connected with other people. Even though it brings deep joy to life, we seem to avoid it.
Would any of my readers like to chime in with their comments on the barriers that keep us from establishing genuine community with other people?
5 comments:
Establishing genuine community takes time, makes one vulnerable, and often puts you in the path of people you won't like. It has always been that way and always will be. To be in community, we need to value the benefits of true community over time, security, and invulnerability. We need to know the barriers are there, confront them, and show people the benefits of community are worth the hardship of overcoming the barriers (and they'll find its not that hard at all). With our busy society and the many ways to "connect" with others (blogging, texting, cell phones, facebook, myspace, etc), we can make an excuse to put it off and get a lesser quality "community" from other things.
Maybe you could break through ipod fences by forgoing the "Good Run" and giving a firm "Good Game" instead. That might be hard to ignore!
But (no pun intended) seriously, in my experience, the relationships that help people make the break through to so-called authentic relationships are those truly unexpected ones.
First and foremost grounded in the most unexpected relationship, that of the Creator of the Universe with sinfilled you and me, through One Jesus Christ our Lord.
And then onto those unlikely friendships across typical social lines. For example, I may not have any idea how to make the breakthrough with my surburban neighbor until my notion of friendship is informed by the ongoing relationship I form with my urban poor friend, or my atheist friend(See "Jim and Casper Go to Church), or my senile old friend, etc.
Happy Running!
Thanks for your feedback on this. I appreciate both of you insights. As I read your comments and think more about this, I think one of the biggest barriers is that so few of us have any real imagination of what genuine community could look like. I know there are exceptions. Some of us have good friends with whom we have genuinely open hearts and open lives. But that is far more the exception than the rule.
As Bethany said, we have so much "ersatz" community that we mute our need and our capacity for real community. And as Nicole/Grant said, sometimes it can be unexpected friendships or relationships that break through our stifled imagination and open up new possibilities.
Trying to help facilitate this kind of counter-cultural growth in our church community is definitely going to be a steep hill, at least at first.
is it rather ironic that we are talking about this on an online BLOG rather than sitting down and talking? ha ha ha.
Yeah, I know. It's an strange thing. Sometimes a blog can be a substitute for real community. But sometimes it can be a supplement.
Grant and Nicole live in Iowa, and we see each other when we can, but this is a great way to keep the conversation going in between visits.
And you and I had a F2F conversation yesterday, arranged because of a blog conversation.
It's a challenge, though, to work so that technology enhances community instead of replacing it.
Post a Comment